Indolencia

Me llama la atención la conducta de las personas; tanto que debo ir al diccionario para ver el significado de lo que hacen. A veces, para confirmar lo que ya pienso. Así, confirmo que indolencia quiere decir ausencia de dolor, insensibilidad. O sea, que indolente es quien no se deja conmover, quien no siente dolor.

Percibo que hemos recibido verdaderas clases magistrales de indolencia estos días. Ante el desastre que los derrames de petróleo de un ducto de la ENAP en Talcahuano ha significado para centenares de pescadores artesanales de las caletas aledañas - carecen ahora de su medio de trabajo y sustento habitual -, un vocero de la empresa sostiene que "se están investigando eventuales responsabilidades". Eventuales, como si el petróleo se hubiera derramado por sus propios medios en el mar y el daño enorme producido a personas modestas fuera algo ocurrido en otro planeta, completamente desconectado de la rotura del ducto de marras.

Se nos ha informado oficiamente ayer que si no hay recursos adicionales para el TranSantiago, los que deben ser aprobados por el congreso, el "sistema por si mismo" va a provocar un alza de las tarifas en julio. Y casi puedo ver una encogida de hombros. Un verdadero exceso, le pareció a este endemoniado; y eso que ya estoy acostumbrado a oir hablar, no del sufrimiento y la incomodidad humillante de millones de pasajeros diariamente, sino que de números, estadísticas, contratos y tecnologías - de los que se puede hablar sin sufrir conmoción.

También me di por informado en la entrevista del habitual programa televisivo de los días domingo en la noche que nuestro encargado nacional de finanzas no considera que el desastre financiero de ferrocarriles merezca conmoción alguna de su ser: ¿será que considera que la plata no es suya? Nada logra quitarle la sonrisa impávida de su cara, le dijo un enrevistador, aun cuando se le recuerda la cuantiosa inversión hecha en una hermosa nueva estación ferroviaria de Pto Montt, la que no será utilizada nunca.

Me digo que quizás la burocracia es el campo donde surge la indolencia. Porque obviamente no puedo creer que sea alguna falla en el alma o en el sistema sensitivo de esta gente lo que le impide sentir dolor. (Como buen y auténtico endemoniado, desconfío de las explicaciones sicológicas - creo más bien en las posesiones, confesables o inconfesables). Es la burocracia - pienso - esa gran creadora de redes de irrealidad, de ocasiones oscuras que nos conmueven, de sensibilidades inconfesables, de ansiedades impresentables; la burocracia que me divide entre yo y mi rol.
 
La burocracia deflecta la sensibilidad de las personas - me digo. Nos convierte en personas afectadas por una conmoción pero una conmoción que no queremos dejar aparecer, que queremos a toda costa ocultar: el miedo. Nada nos conmueve al lado del miedo, no el dolor por el dolor de los que sufren y los que pagan sin justificación, solamente el miedo de  hacerlo mal, de tomar responsabilidad honestamente, de comprometernos, de reconocer sin tapujos lo que se ha hecho mal y responder. Y el miedo es de todas las emociones la que más nos avergüenza, la que menos queremos dejar traslucir. Entonces la impavidez y la indolencia que la disimulan a como de lugar.  Entonces la insensibilidad a todo lo demás: sólo me dejo conmover por el miedo de mostra el miedo que me embarga.

El miedo, concluyo, puede hacer verdaderos monstruos de todos nosotros.

Atisbando 54
 

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